Parenting, Perseverance, and Porn

The following is a guest blog post from our friends at Generations of Virtue. 

If there is one virtue parents need when they decide to help their children pursue a lifestyle of purity, it is perseverance.

Recently a parent confided that despite her best efforts to keep her child away from pornography (teaching about the harmful effects, installing filtering software, being careful with media choices, etc.), she discovered her child had in fact searched for it. Thankfully, this parent had monitoring software installed on her child’s device, so she was able to tell quickly after the incident happened, what had actually happened. (For a good monitoring software, please check out our top pick: Covenant Eyes)

This parent was wise in her reaction. She didn’t respond in anger or shock, but waited a little while until she could calmly talk to her child about it. As she recounted the story, she was visibly upset. And rightfully so. It’s so traumatizing to know your child has searched out porn. It is shocking and very sad. It can make you feel like you have failed. Especially if you were taking steps to prevent this occurrence.

The temptation is to throw in the towel and say “well, I guess it didn’t work”. Please don’t do this, mom and dad. This would essentially be communicating to your son or daughter that he or she is not worth fighting for. It would also reinforce the myth that pornography addiction is not something you can overcome. Your kids need you to fight for them. They need you to roll with the punches and get back up when failure comes. They need you to remind them that there is nothing Christ has not forgiven and there is nothing that He did not overcome. And this ability to overcome He gives to us, too. Your kids need you to have relentless hope for them. They need you to pray for them and believe the best for them even when they can’t believe it themselves.

Perseverance is an essential element of relentless hope. When you hope for the very best for your kids, you start thinking that despite all the circumstances, despite what I see, despite all the evidence stacked up against me and my children, I choose to believe that we can pursue God’s holiness. We can seek to be like Him. We can overcome everything that is causing us to stumble. We can do this because of the blood of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit.

There is a promise in scripture I encourage you to pray over your situation if you find yourself struggling to persevere. Galatians 6:9 says “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

I pray the Lord blesses you and keeps you and helps you to persevere as you raise your children. I am convinced you will reap a very great harvest if you don’t give up.

– Megan Briggs

Megan is a guest blogger from an organization called Generations of Virtue. It is the goal of Generations of Virtue to transform culture, one family at a time, by teaching about sexual integrity and holiness. Megan's position as Product Manager keeps her busy researching, reading resources, managing inventory and speaking to young people.

Jackie's Journey: The Inspiration of Gratefulness!

“Give thanks in all circumstances (inclusive; no exceptions!), for this is God’s will for you…” 1 Thess. 5:19

Recently a missionary friend posted a picture from our New Tribes Missionary school.  It was taken in what we called “the little dorm” in our early years on the field.  In the picture of about 15 children were my two daughters.  Christina was about 4 and in the foreground was a less-than-2-year-old Kim.  The picture was not significant in itself but the fact that I could not recall when my girls could have ever been in that picture was significant!  I literally, burst into tears!

Christina, my eldest daughter, reminded me that they had spent 6 weeks in “the little dorm” after I was flown out of our village with a ruptured appendix.  There was unrest in Panama City (guns in the streets, riots, etc.) and the Military Police were closing the airport!  We were the last fight allowed to land or take off.  I was hastily loaded onto a gurney directly out of the plane and I watched our Cessna take off into the stormy skies with my two little ones inside! 

I was unaware of most of what was transpiring around me, but I knew my circumstance was bad.  I was rushed to the Military Hospital and was rapidly being moved down the corridor, when Ralph heard someone call his name.  He turned to see a Surgeon that we had recently met through our Pucuro partners.  She had been on duty for 72 hours when she caught a glimpse of Ralph in the hall and instantly turned to help us, never leaving our side until she had run tests, completed my emergency laparotomy and safely escorted us to the ICU hours later.  God had gone before us and sent her to us in His perfect timing…

This is the posted picture!  Are these not the cutest missionary children…ever!!

I am emotionally astounded that I was so desperately ill that I did not know where my two little girls were in those first days! My recovery was slow and I ran a low-grade fever for a year after this event.  Wanting to reunite our family as quickly as possible and return to the interior, which was our home, we found ourselves in a quandary because we could not get a release from the doctors to go back! 

As I’m writing this, my past and present merge and the surge of gratefulness is overwhelming!

How many people can you think of offhand who have benefited your life in the past?  Whose name immediately comes to mind?

Gratefulness is recognizing the benefits, which God and others have provided.

From the pilot risking his life to save mine to the missionary families who sacrificially opened their hearts and homes to us to see me recover, my heart overflows with inexpressible thanksgiving for their generosity toward our family during this conflicting time in our lives. 

Gratitude is the memory of the heart!  It is said to be the parent of all the other virtues.  My gratitude for those members of the field that picked up the slack and totally covered for me is overpowering.  

Norman and Barbara Slaymaker were the “little dorm” parents at that time and took the loving responsibility of my babies for six weeks after our pilot, Scotty, and his wife, Mary, filled the gap in those first few days in Panama City.  After leaving the hospital, John and Ruth Jenkins, our busy field leaders, “adopted us” for another six weeks (!) until the doctors would release us to return to our post!  What a tremendous weight we must have been…a family of 4 for months!!! 

My memories are scattered and few.  I isolated myself into a survival mode.  I really thought I was going to die.  I had no time for tears and cannot remember even wanting to cry during those weeks, although I am sure I must have and those whose care I was under would readily attest that I did!  My heart cannot express the genuine gratitude that is flooding my eyes and consciousness as I write this!  I am mentally rehearsing the personal cost of the missionary families that encouraged me during those days and blanketed me with prayer and hands of intervention!

Why this flood of overwhelming gratefulness?  Why now?  What is it about life that at unexpected moments God opens our awareness to the magnitude of His Sovereignty, Majesty, Grace and Mercy on our behalf?  

I am sitting here with a keen mindfulness of:

• My Unworthiness…and His Holiness!   
• My Pretense of thinking I have any kind of control in this life (other than to choose to walk with Him)…and His complete and encompassing Rule and Protection!
• My Powerlessness…and His Omnipotent Presence, faithfully accomplishing His purpose with my blindness to His silent footsteps all around me!
• My Desperate Need to express my gratefulness and indebtedness to God and others! 

Do you make it a habit to thank God and others for the many things in life that others take for granted?

I would like to express my gratitude to you for joining me each Monday morning and for your encouraging words.  I am so blessed! 

Will you take time today to reflect glory back to Him… the Author of every blessing?  Let’s take today’s opportunity to acknowledge those who have and are benefiting our lives!

Giving Value to Others

A few weeks ago, we had a Princess Parables tea at a local bookstore.  We got the opportunity to speak into the lives of sweet girls about the importance of manners and etiquette.  In a culture that does not value or teach manners on a regular basis, our children will stand out above the crowds, if they are taught just a few lessons.  They also have the opportunity to live out Christ’s command to love one another. 

What do we mean by Manners and Etiquette?

Proper etiquette and manners are defined as, “helping those around us to feel more valued and more comfortable.” Plainly speaking, just an extension of Romans 12:10.  I think it is more important to teach our kids this definition of etiquette instead of the old-fashion idea being something that is expected of them by society.  Help them to see people as valuable with a desire to make others feel special.

For our three to eight year old princesses and knights, here are a few suggestions:

Greetings and Introductions:  Learning to introduce yourself is an art.  Children need to be taught a couple of important tips to address an adult for the first time.  First, they need to keep eye contact with the person.  Second, they need to shake hands (with their right hand firmly).  Next, say your name.  “Hi, Mr. Smith. My name is Matthew”.  Lastly, smile!  The same rules apply for kids.  They may not shake hands (although some of my kids do), but in general it is good to go over this as well.  We also include in this area “The Art of Conversation”.  I have taught my kids at least 3 questions they can ask an adult or child to keep a conversation going.  As you can see, we need to prepare our children before they get to the moment.  For us, role-playing at home and reminders in the car keep everyone on track.

The Magic Words:  We all love to hear “please” and “thank you” coming from our children’s mouths.  However, just like any skill, it takes practice.  I don’t believe my child has grasped this concept until they do it without my prompting.  Being consistent with this, as a parent, drives the point home.  I often will have my children ask me for something.  For example, “Mom, I want juice”.  To which I will say, “Oh I would love to give you juice, but you forgot how to say ask for it properly”.  I will set the timer for 15 minutes, then you can come back and ask it again.  When she returns and says, “Mom, may I have juice, please?” I grant her request.  The same goes for “thank you” for the juice.  You only have to do this a couple of times before they get it.  I have found when children practice this at home, it comes naturally to them when they are outside the home. We have also role played with gift giving.  Having the right response for the gift your child doesn’t like is definitely a needed tool.  Another area children need to be instructed on is “Thank you” cards. We started really young with drawing pictures and by 1st grade all the kids could write most of their own “Thank you” cards.

Table Manners:  Family dinners are the perfect opportunity to develop good table manners.  When the kids were younger, we started with staying in their seat and keeping the food on the plate and in their mouths!  Eventually, they were old enough to graduate to no elbows on the table, napkins in the laps and sitting up straight, bringing the food to your mouth (difficult for some teens!).  We work on how to hold your fork, use your knife and chew your food.  Mealtime is a great way to teach the art of conversation also.  We have a time of sharing our day (“Pits and Peaks”) which first begins with quiet time for the kids while mom and dad talk.  This leads into a time where they share the best part of the day (God’s blessings) and the worst part of the day (What are you learning?). This time reaffirms the lessons of no interrupting and teaching kids to appreciate others’ differences while giving them a voice in the family.  Last, but not least, we develop the concept of cleaning up after yourself when dinner is finished.

With all the training opportunities, role-playing is the KEY!  I can’t say it enough – role-play, role-play, role-play . . .

Manners and etiquette don’t end there! A key resource for us has been The Etiquette Factory.  They are the “experts” on all things proper and they teach it all from a godly perspective.  Our family has still so far to go in this area!  I can tell you it does take work.  Remembering we are here to serve others and live out Luke 6:31 “Do to others as you would have them do to you”, is an invaluable gift you can give your children. One worth the work you will put in.

How have you been teaching your kids to help others feel more valued and more comfortable in their presence?

Jackie's Journey: Are You a Wise Mom?

"Wisdom calls aloud in the street..." Proverbs 1:20

Do you consider yourself to be a wise person? 

We each hold value systems that form our basic philosophies.  These we purpose to pass on to our children through goals we set for them.  Our desire is that they wisely hold our most highly valued principles.  As caring moms, our goal should be nothing less than to produce wise children who are self-motivated to do good and hate evil. 

Where do we begin?...

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom and to fear the Lord is to hate evil.

 I, Wisdom, hate pride, arrogance, evil behavior (rebellion) and perverse speech.”

Proverbs 1:7; Proverbs 8:13

What is a wise child?  How would you recognize one?

Foolish children are easy to spot!

When Wisdom calls…LISTEN!

“Wisdom is seeing life’s situation from God’s point of view and acting in harmony with Him”. (ATIA)  We will recognize wisdom in our child through his or her attitudes, words, and actions!       

Knowing God and knowing our responsibility in life does not guarantee we will be successful in parenting!  If we do not know how or what to do…we are lost.  Most moms have teachable hearts that want to understand God’s instruction. Some even demonstrate a desire to honor God with a wise decision-making process regarding the manner of child development by adhering to God’s Word and voice when He calls!

 Proverbs 29:17 says our “Children are to bring us REST

And to DELIGHT our souls!

 Discipline your son or daughter and he will give you PEACE;

he will bring DELIGHT to your soul”.

 Do your children bring delight to your soul?

Do they bring you peace and give you rest? 

Wisdom is knowing the right path to take.  Integrity is taking it!

We want wise children with integrity!

When our girls were not bringing us “rest” and “delighting our soul” we knew we were failing in our training.  My life was not that much different than yours…lots of activity and responsibility and never enough time!  We were convinced, as you are, that our success as parents would come from making our children successful.

When we take responsibility for our child’s behavior, we are in a position to change it!  This is called Discipleship…the key to training.  The goal of raising a wise child should be to develop godly Character. 

“Godly character is developing right attitudes that produce right actions, habitually”. (RJ)

This involves the need for consistent “attitude training” which educates the spirit of a child, as well as the will. (Ask:  Was it kind? Was it considerate?).  It brings integrity back into focus by replacing the “action-response” teaching  (“Mom said, don’t do that! Don’t touch! Stop it, I said don’t touch…no…no”)!

 “Action-response” teaching has this sequence:

• Warning
• Warning
• Elevated tone of voice
• Threat added for emphasis
• No consequence with total resolve

This sequence cultivates REBELLION!  God hates rebellion…

“For rebellion is like the sin of witchcraft…”!  I Samuel 15: 23 

Developing character in our little “Prince and Princesses” presupposes that WE are wise women of godly character!  “We are known and read by our children all the time…” I Cor. 3:2.  There is no hiding our true character…they read our spirit!

Do you know the test for measuring your own character?? 

 Character is revealed by what we do in secret and

 Maturity is revealed by what we do with our free time (T.V.; computer ;iPhone; iPad; books, magazines, music, FB, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, shopping, etc., etc..)

What do I do in secret?   What do I do with my free time?

Abraham Lincoln said, “There is just one way to train a child in the way he should go and that is to travel that way yourself!”

We are an example, or an excuse!!

Children learn what we are first, through our attitudes; then, what we teach them.  Training is first discipleship and then learning! Our job is to cause that learning in our child by lovingly training them to submit to our authority so they can be taught. 

A child that is not under control of his/her authority is preoccupied with resisting that authority and he/she cannot receive teaching!

The child that resists authority IS the teacher!!

When the course of action you are using has the goal of developing godly character through attitude training, the child will mature with wisdom and balance and will understand purpose in his or her life. 

What course of action are you on?

Heroes

HEROES.

Why do we love heroes so much?

We all love heroes because we are created to admire goodness. We want to emulate those who share our ideals – things like courage, honor and justice.  Heroes who make the hard, but right choices give us hope in the future.  We choose heroes who symbolize the person we would like to be and ambitions we would like to satisfy.  My husband loves William Wallace in Braveheart, Andy in Shawshank Redemption and Edmund in the Count of Monte Cristo.  I love Anne in Anne of Green Gables, Dorcus Lane in the Larkrise to Candleford or Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice.  Each of them speak to my heart.  I can hear their stories again and again.  Tell me who your heroes or heroines are and it can tell me a lot about you.

A couple of weeks ago, we celebrated the end of school with a history feast.  The kids and I reflected on their year studying the end of the Roman Empire to the Revolutionary War.  Part of the year was spent reading 16 historical fiction books.  This form of literature brought history to life for my kids AND gave them heroes to inspire them.  Many of the books were “old-fashioned” with tried-and-true wisdom.  These heroes made right choices, had virtuous character and inspiring actions.  I find this is one of my favorite parts of schooling.

Who are your kids’ heroes?

As we move into summer, my kids continue to read.  I want them to read.  With older children now, I find the library to be a bit challenging.  Somehow vampires and witchcraft have become commonplace among teen literature content.  We have to search and search for good books.  My elementary children find examples of bad attitudes and poor choices among the “favorites” of their peers.  I keep asking, “Where have the true heroes gone?”

The Princess Parables were created for this very reason.  Not only did we want to have inspiring princesses any girl would want to be like, we also wanted to teach God’s word and wisdom.  While the Princess Parables is an outstanding summer reading option, there needs to be more in the book baskets for our kids this summer.

Children just don’t stubble upon excellent reading options, but they are created for them.  I have to have a plan this summer for all of my kids.  Join me as we engage in the pages of literature recommendations from Read for the Heart by Sarah Clarkson and Honey for a Child’s Heart by Gladys Hunt.  Both of these books are wonderful guides to life changing literature for our kids.  Giving our kids heroes to build their character, their adventurous hearts and their imagination.

What does your summer reading list look like?

Will you introduce your kids to their next heroes?

Capturing the Once-in-a-Lifetime Moments

Last year, my firstborn son, Christian, turned thirteen.  I had been preparing for this day in my mind for a long time.  You see, I am one of those idealist types.  I am more so in my mind than in my actions sometimes.  But I knew that I wanted to really celebrate this milestone in my son’s life.  I felt God’s small and quiet voice encouraging me on . . .

So I researched.  I got many books such as Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis and Celebrating of Faith by Randy and Lisa Wilson.  I read internet articles and talked to people who had done it.  I roped a kindred spirit whose son had grown up with mine and who shares a close birthday to celebrate the day together.  We got together to plan out the whole day. Ideas began to take shape.

I didn’t realize that we were planning something the Evil One so opposed.

I didn’t realize that my son’s faith was on the line.

I didn’t realize that it was such a battle to be won.

We let my son know that his upcoming birthday was going to be BIG.  There would be much required of him and that he should get ready.  One of the things we did was read Boyhood and Beyond by Bob Schultz together.  We asked him to memorize some Bible verses we thought would be beneficial as he took on manhood.  He took this very seriously and was very nervous about the “big day”.

We also informed all our kids that we don’t believe in “teenagers”.  The word teenager has only been used for the last 80 years and with it comes a negative connotation.  Teenagers have a time where they can “wait” to “become”.  For centuries, boys have gone from child to adult. There was no focus on “wasted years”, but a focus on becoming an adult.  We challenged the kids to think of themselves as young adults and not your typical “teen”.  We also said that we would give a dollar to each child catching us saying the word “teenager” because old habits die hard for us parents!

As the day approached, I began to feel the struggle of my ideals and reality.  My husband was not able to help prepare due to illness.  My friend and her son decided not to participate due to unexpected family commitments. My mind was full of thoughts like “You don’t need to do this special day for Christian”, “Nobody else is doing this for their boys on their 13th birthday” and “This is just too much work.  Just give it up!”  I really struggled in my mind.  Asking the Lord, “Is this what you want or am I just doing this on my own accord?”

On the day I was going to give up, I ran into a family pastor friend from the Christian Camp we go to called Forest Home.  He just happened to be at the coffee shop we go to every Tuesday!  We got talking and I felt a nudge to ask him what he thought.  He has 6 grown boys!  He told me what he and his wife did every birthday for their sons starting at 13 and he encouraged me in the path that we had started down.  Sometimes you just need someone to be a cheerleader on the sidelines!

We prepared.  We prayed.  We saw God at work.

On the big day, we created The Warrior’s Quest (an Amazing Race type scavenger hunt) for Christian.  He was given a clue and had to perform a task in order to get the next clue.   Each clue coincided with a Warrior Trait we were incorporating into his Quest.  My husband miraculously felt better and was able to be the point person and driver for the whole day.  So here is what he did:

Task One:  A Warrior's Chivalrous Protection.  The clue was given on being a man who protects and provides for his wife/ family.  We talk so often about what kind of brother he is will determine the type of husband he will become. The task was to write letters of affirmation to each sibling.  He made French toast, berries and juice and served it to each in bed with his letter.

Task Two:  The Warrior's High Character.  The clue was given on being a man who is full of character.  We studied many of these character qualities this year.  Today, we highlighted honesty, integrity and compassion.  The task was to buy food for a homeless person on his own and then find someone to give it to (i.e. Compassion).  This was Christian and Bruce’s favorite part of the Warrior Quest as the man who received the bag was so grateful.  While shopping for the groceries, we arranged with the cashier to give him too much money as change.  Christian had to pass the test what he would do with the extra money. The grocery store manager gave him the next clue when he returned the money (i.e. Integrity and Honesty).

Task Three:  The Warrior's Leadership and Responsibilities.  The clue focused on teaching, mentoring, making others successful while leading, encouraging and taking on the areas that God has given him.  So many of these ideas were talked about over the year with his book study.  The task was to help coach his brother's T-ball team that morning while showing the younger boys his encouraging spirit.

Task Four:  A Warrior's Spiritual Impact and Prayer Life.  This clue spoke to who he will be as a man of God - how he pray, spend time in relationship with God and how he will serve in his life.  His task was to recite 6 verses he memorized and spend a great deal of time discussing this with his dad as they drove to Los Angeles.  

Task Five:  The Warrior's Commitment and Endurance.  This area focused on looking at life with Godly wisdom and following God's calling as a man and trusting God.  A warrior never gives up, has self-control and persistence.  He always tries something once and faces his fears.  The task was indoor skydiving in Hollywood

Task Six:  A Warrior’s Community and Accountability.  We know that a warrior doesn’t face life alone. They headed back that night for a big party where we went bowling, had pizza and enjoyed a small presentation with family and friends.  We had King David’s sword engraved for him saying “Be strong and courageous” Deut. 31:6. We also asked family and friends far and wide to write advice and affirmations that we put together in a large notebook for him.  And we also presented him with a picture book of his first 12 years.  

After it was all said and done, I got a moment with Christian.  He couldn’t wait to tell me . . . “You know mom, this was the best day ever! I don’t know if you notice how I have changed (well, yes, I had!).  Over the last couple months while you were building this day up, I was asking the Lord at night, if I was the kind of man He wanted me to be.  You know what he said? . . . No!  I was going down the wrong path.  He said I needed to work on my attitude and focus on being the kind of man He wants me to be.  So I have changed.  And he gave me a dream and told me that He has great plans for me . . . Thanks Mom for this day!  I will never forget it!”

It is just another day in the life of your child.

But an opportunity to make just another day into a once-in-a-lifetime moment.

For all of you out there, being tossed around with thoughts of giving up an ideal, DON’T!  Fight on!  Do it!  Your kids will BE the difference!

How have you celebrated the BIG moments in your kids’ lives?

Jackie's Journey: Mother's Day Is Coming!

This is for those of you who have been blessed with a godly Mother and she is still with you…

My mother is 96 years old and is my heart.  She has never given up on me and I have given her good reason to do just that!

After all, I took her first and only grandchild, a beautiful little girl, to live in a foreign country in the middle of the Darien jungles in Panama when she was just 3 years old!

“Whose Shoulders Do you Stand On?”

T. L. Cuyler said, “God made mothers before He made ministers; the progress of Christ’s kingdom depends more upon the influence of faithful, wise and pious mothers than upon any other human agency.”

 Who has had the most influence on your life?

Is it not your Mother?!

We are all a reflection of our mothers and their powerful influence!

Abraham Lincoln once said, “All I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.”

 When my father left us for heaven two years ago at 93, my brother-in-law wrote a tribute that ended with the question, “Whose shoulders are those upon which you stand?’   It comes from the Latin, “Nanos gigantum humeris insidentes” which translates, “Dwarfs standing on the shoulders of giants”! 

Well…my mother is a giant! 

She is an incredible human being.  She is a motivational force to be reckoned with that has always been a beacon for me when I have wanted to falter.  She is my hero.  I confidently step into the footprint she leaves behind.  Her vision for my success has been constant and her sacrifice on my behalf over our years together is more than praiseworthy.  Her loyalty and encouraging words, “You can do it, Jackie”, have been a consistent inspiration.  

My mother is noble and has learned God-control and the blessing of surrendering to Him.  She is the woman my father had confidence in all the days of his life.  She is resourceful and no one can out-shop, or in her younger days, out-walk her.  My wise Mother influenced some of the most important decisions my Dad ever made in business.

She is tenacious and never gives up if the cause is worth fighting for!  She is generous and compassionate and still looks over all of us with intense personal interest and care.

She is clothed in strength and dignity.  Her courage these last two years with my fathers passing, after 72 years of marriage, has been exemplary and a wonderful testament of her patient endurance.  Her stretching toward the cross in times of deep loneliness speaks to each of her four daughters of her immense capacity to trust her heavenly Father.

Her back door humor is renowned in our family, and we can always count on her to make life fun for us.  She is soft-spoken and gentle in nature, but bold as a mama bear, if you touch one of her babies, grandbabies or great-grandbabies. 

Proverbs 31 speaks of a virtuous woman.  We don’t know her name or what she looked like or her personality.  We learn of her inner character.

My mother is being praised today for her inner character, not her activities or physical beauty (although she is beautiful at 96, as her picture declares!).   I am addressing the eternal accomplishments of her soul and the heritage she carries and leaves behind for us to follow. 

Words fail me when it comes to expressing my gratitude for my mother… she is so much more than words…I cannot imagine my life without her!  My journey and the power of her influence on my life will be a forever blessing.  I am honored and privileged “to stand on her shoulders”.  Look down there, under your feet…

On whose shoulders do you stand today?

A Birthday to Remember

Last week, it was my husband’s 50th birthday! 

We have many family traditions revolving around birthdays. First, we start with the ever-popular waking-you-up-in-bed-with-presents custom.  Then we have a breakfast choice for the birthday boy on a “You are Special” plate.  We almost always have a party of some kind and a more recent idea is for my daughter to bake a special cake (like the one above).

But my favorite birthday heritage is our Affirmation Dinner.

Everyone in my family knows that this is part of being a Young.  On your birthday, we will go around and share something to acknowledge the masterpiece YOU are becoming.  Eph. 2:10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

So if you are at our house on a birthday, we will eat dinner and then I will say something like, “It is time to affirm the birthday girl (or boy)! Who would like to go first?”  Then, someone will begin and everyone will participate going around the table.  That is a Young Family Rule!  Everyone has to say something!

Here are some questions that we use while affirming others:

Where have you seen God working in that person’s life?  What are character qualities that you see in that person?  What are three things you love about them?  What have they done in the last year that has been a blessing to you?  Do you see them changing the world around us, if so, how?

Just answer one of those questions and you are well on your way to an Affirmation Dinner.  Now the funny thing is I don’t always like being in the center on my birthday.  But I have this friend who insists on a girlfriend get-together to do birthday affirmation and then we do it at home too.  So on my birthday, I receive a double-dose of affirmations.

My friend, who initiates these affirmations, has the love language of “Words of Affirmation”.  She is literally “loving” me by doing this.  For some people, who have this love language, this is the best form of loving to them.  There are 5 love languages and if you don’t know yours, you can take this quick test here.

I have asked the Lord why I don’t like them that much.  Sure, I like hearing all the good stuff . . . but somewhere down inside, I feel like I don’t deserve it.  I squirm a bit.  But God reminded me last year that not only is it a blessing to hear the kind words of others that paint a picture of how I am becoming His masterpiece, but it also blesses those that speak it.  Encouraging and uplifting is a command in the Bible: 1 Thes. 5:11 encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 

The blessing of doing affirmations is found in Hebrews 3:13: But encourage one another … so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.

Did it really just say that if I am not affirming and encouraging others that I might be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness?  YES!!  So not only is the one that is receiving the affirmations blessed, but the one giving it, too!

So won’t you consider blessing those around you with the words they so long to hear?  How can you affirm them on their birthdays or even today with encouragement?

Do You Ever Want to Escape?

I look forward to going on vacation.  Do you ever want to escape?

A vacation is an escape from the day-to-day routine where we get to explore, adventure and be alive.  Sometimes I just want to escape this reality I am living in.  In general, I love my life, but don’t you just wish you were somewhere else sometimes?

My family and I recently took a two week vacation to Hawaii thanks, in large part, to my mom.  My husband and I began to await the blessed time from the moment we booked the tickets. We entertained the idea of being together and showing the kids new places.  Every day I began to prepare for our up and coming adventure.

As we boarded the plane, all of us were overwhelmed with excitement.  A trip to Hawaii had been a dream for our kids for as long as we could remember.  When we arrived in the land filled with palm trees, warm and tropical breezes, we settled into a wonderful time.  But two weeks is a long time.

Days passed by. The excitement began to wear off and we began living life in Hawaii.  We were homeschooling, making dinner, doing laundry and dishes, and picking up the home we were living in.  Funny, these are all the same things that I do at home. 

And then my kids began to have attitude, being ungrateful and disobedient.  They argued about doing schoolwork and pestered their siblings.  Sadly, similar to the behaviors we work on at home.  My husband and I, who had been all giddy at first, sank into our regular routine and began to treat each other with familiarity.  I began to see the ugly faces of selfishness and disregard that I fight at home.

I pondered these things one morning.

I realized escaping from reality . . . from marriage . . . from children . . . from life, while blissful at first, will end up right where we were before.  The grass will look greener, but in real life we bring with us all the junk we had at home.  In Hawaii, we had just changed locations.  Sure, we went sightseeing, to the beach, surfing, and made all kinds of wonderful memories.  But the truth is that any ugliness in our hearts travels with us regardless of our location.

I might sit at home any day and just wish to be on vacation.  It is a longing for escape from what I don’t want to face; kind of like TV and movies for me.  But I will still love vacations.  God said to me one morning on the beach that I am a work in progress wherever I am.  My kids and my husband, they too, are His masterpiece that He is creating over time.  All six of us in our family are sinners.  So while I may long for a change of venue to somewhere tropical, I know that a vacation will not change our hearts and our souls and the escape will not have the effect I am hoping for.  Why do I think my kids will be better behaved driving two hours to Volcano National Park than they are here in Southern California?

I came home with a different appreciation for here and now.  Because I should never wish to be somewhere different than where God has me.  The grass is not greener, because it is a mirage.  When I get there, the grass will be the same color as mine.  The escape has all the hype without the follow through.

So for now, no matter if we are in Southern California, Hawaii, Australia, Germany . . . wherever the Lord leads us, I will remember, this is right where God has us.  All our “stuff “has made it to baggage claim with our luggage and we are to deal with it right where we are.  No fancy escape plan, just good old-fashion learning and growing, failing and forgiving, right where God has us.

1 Cor. 7:17 “And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there!”

Serving Out of Love

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Romans 12:10-11

 I do a lot for my kids.  I serve them. Because I love them.

 I love God so much more!! I want to serve Him too and I want to teach my kids that serving God is so much more than just writing a check and putting it in the offering baskets.  We serve not out of guilt or duty, but because we love.

 I want my kids to learn serving is a way of life. I am looking daily for opportunities to serve and share.  Most of the time, we serve our family, neighborhood and friends.  When we are out, we are looking for where God is working and join in.  I try and take every opportunity we have to get out there are serve a local ministry because I want to expose the kids to as much ministry as possible. This is not easy with all of the activities and schoolwork expected of my kids!  Sometimes it is hard work to get them there so they can be blessed to be a blessing.

Last week was one of those times.  We had a fieldtrip to the Children’s Hunger Fund warehouse.  We put on our hairnets and gloves and filled Food Paks that are distributed to local churches full of needed food. They are literally sent all over the world.  Most recently to Ebola-stricken Liberia. They in turn deliver them to those in need in Jesus’ name.  What a blessing it was to hear firsthand what the ministry is doing! Incredible!

Why do we make such an effort to expose our kids to serving?

1. We want them to love God!

Because He has redeemed us and set us free, there is nothing I would rather do than serve Him and be a part of His plan.  I am excited to see where God is working and jump in!  I want my kids to catch the enthusiasm my husband and I have for our Lord and Savior.  We want them to share in our love for Him and give willingly of themselves!  When they see we are excited, they get the bug too!

 I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Romans 12:1

 2.  We want them to see God!

I believe there is no better place to experience God than where He is working.  My kids get to see miracles firsthand and see how awesome our mighty God is! There is nothing better as a parent than to see your child’s eyes open wide when they realize God is at work . . . and they are a part of it!  Whether it is here in America or overseas, God is doing amazing things every day.  Those that are part of His work are blessed to be a part. 

 Don't forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it!  Hebrew 13:11 

3.  We want the Word of God to come alive for them.

There are so many verses about serving the Lord in the Bible.  When we teach our kids these verses and then put them into action, it is powerful for our kids.  So many things they learn in these formidable years, but few of them require too much action on their part.  Serving the Lord puts feet to His Word that does not come back void.  They get to see that it glorifies Him, that it blesses them, and that joy comes from serving the Lord.

 For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Gal. 5:14 

4.  We want to rescue them from themselves!

Unfortunately, in Southern California, we are surrounded by activity, entertainment and stuff.  It is everywhere, I know!  As I spend time being the mamma taxi driver, I think “shouldn’t we be saving the world?!”  Does this next dance lesson count for eternity? But more importantly, I see their hearts.  My kids get caught up in the treasures of the world and quickly can focus on themselves.  Funny, I have the same problem.  Stepping out to serve others quickly takes the focus off of them and puts it back on others.  You cannot serve two masters. Kids can easily go from self-focused to others-focused in minutes, which we are hoping will continue as they grow into adulthood.

"No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.   Matt. 6:24

5.  We want to help them see their purpose in life!

We believe serving helps focus on God’s grand plan.  Once our kids get a vision for what God has planned for their lives, we know He will make it happen.  But that can only come from God – and not mom and dad!  Serving helps kids see that they have a gift with which to serve Christ; the more opportunities we give them to stretch, the better they might be at seeing their purpose in life.

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace 1 Peter 4:10

So yes . . .getting the whole family up at 6:00 a.m. and driving up two hours to serve as a family was a stretch, but I believe that the rewards will be great.  Our memories of serving will become another picture in their lifetime of loving God.  We think the effort is worth it.

 Where can you serve with your kids? What do you have to sacrifice to make this happen?