What to get your husband for Valentine’s Day

“My lover is mine, and I am his” Song of Solomon 2:16

Valentine’s Day is so filled with expectations for me!  My love language is “gifts”, so I am anxiously awaiting the perfect gift from my husband that shows that he has listened to me, he has taken notes, he has read my crazy, not-even-sure-what-I-want mind and got me the perfect gift that he has exquisitely wrapped.  Yeah, that doesn’t ever happen.  But for me that is OK this year!  I can get buried and disappointed with the expectations, but this Valentine’s Day I am coming into it with a fresh perspective.

Instead I am going to focus on him.  He always says,  “Remember to think of me, just as much as the kids”!  He says this is what all husbands want.

Okay, I think, what does that look like?

As we prepare for Valentine’s Day and showing our husbands love, I want to go over the Word WIFE and put some meat on those letters.

 W= Our husbands want us to be Wordly-wise.  

When you think of yourself as a wife, would you say you are wise in the scripture?  One gift we can give our husbands is to know what the Bible says about our role as wives.  Not only know it, but live it out.

If I know what the Bible says about being a good wife, I have everything I need to do the job.  If I am walking with the Lord, I know my husband will feel it. I will be praying for him and lifting him up daily.  I have to make sure that I am filled with God’s word daily and use it as a filter for the things of the world.  Because I can’t do it alone!  I want to be the best wife I can be and I can’t do it without GOD!  I can really be ugly on my own! 

I have to ask myself the hard question : How wordly-wise am I when it comes to being a wife?  Do I know and follow all verses that God has given me?  When it comes to being a wife, do I know what God’s charge is to me? 

I have put together a bunch of scripture that tells us about what God says about being a wife.  Listed them for you. Gen. 2:18; Proverbs 31:10-31; Col. 3:18; Titus 2:3-5; Eph. 5:33; Gen. 2:24;  Eph. 5:21-31

Thought to ponder: the OPPOSITE of Wordly-wise is Worldly-wise.

  I = Our husbands want us to be Intentional. 

I am so intentional with my kids.  Aren’t you? I am planning out their activities and their parties, their entire lives!  I am always trying to find ways to tie their heartstrings to mine and that takes so much time and energy.  I have to plan out my day and be intentional with those moments that I have. I am looking for a key to their hearts. 

But am I being intentional with my husband?  Am I planning my day with him in mind?  The gift my husband wants from me this Valentines Day is to plan on how to love him.  What if I were intentional with each moment I had with him? How much would that bless him and make him feel loved?

For Christmas this year, I did the 12 days of Christmas for my husband.  Twelve days before Christmas I began with something each day for him.  3 types of hot chocolate . . . 4 sleeves of golf balls . . . 7 chapters of a book . . . 8 cuffs to wear. . .  9 snacks for work . . . a 10 minute massage . . . 12 socks for his feet, you get the idea.  And you know what the outcome was? My husband LOVED that I thought of him each day.  I was intentional with my time and he noticed.

Thought to ponder: the OPPOSITE of Intentional is IGNORANT to his needs.

 F= Our husbands want us to be FUN!

I want to be the fun mom on the block.   If you are like me, I am constantly thinking of what would be fun for my kids.  I love when they have smiles on their faces.  I find joy in the things that bring them joy.  But my husband is a grown man, he can take care of himself.  I don’t need to worry about him.  He should be thinking of me and how to bring me joy, right?

I know I don’t think that much about my husband and the fun he may or may not be having.  My husband married me first because I was a Godly woman, but secondly because I was fun!  I think there is a degree of the fun button for each husband.  Because in a study of men, their number two need was for us to be a “recreational playmate”.  You are all probably wondering what number #1 was:  Sex!  What exactly does “recreational playmate” mean?  According to the book His Needs, Her Needs by William F. Harley, “A wife needs to develop an interest in the recreational activities that our husbands enjoy and tries to become proficient at them.  If we can’t enjoy them, we need to encourage him to consider other activities that they can enjoy together.  We want to become his favorite recreational companion and he will associate us with his most enjoyable moments of relaxation.  We want him to want to be with us, because our #2 need is conversation.  If we are his recreational playmate, we will get our needs met because our husbands open up and want to talk to us.”

When I was single, I learned to play golf so that I could be his recreational playmate.  Today, I can’t afford the 5 hours it takes to play a round, but we do love to get away and travel any opportunity that we can.  My husband loves date nights, too!  That speaks love to him.  What does your husband like to do?  Can you do this with him?

Though to ponder:  The opposite of FUN is fatigued.  It is impossible to be fun if I am too tired.

  E = Our husbands need an encouraging cheerleader!

I am my kids’ cheerleader.  How about you?  I am  always encouraging them to do their best and helping them through situations that are hard.  I want them to know that no matter what “I’ve got their back”.  I cheer them on in sports, activities, Christmas plays and academics, just to name a few.  I put notes in their lunch boxes, hug them for each mealtime and talk with them as we tickle their back at night.  I listen to them and help them along the way.  What happens when our young men won’t talk to us – only grunt or say “fine”?  What do we do?  We read books on how to draw them out!  Also what does mama bear do when someone hurts our kids or makes fun of them.  What do we do when their reputation is threatened?  We are the ones ready to fire all guns at their accusers.

So now if I think on my husband, do I do all these things for my husband?  Do I listen to him when he is struggling? Do I give him my full attention or am I doing something else?  Do we write him love notes – love emails – put them in his lunchbox?  Do I tickle his back at night to listen to him and encourage him?  So many women say – “but they won’t talk to me!”  Are we drawing them out?  Do we protect their reputation when other people talk about our husbands or are we the ones that are trashing our husband’s rep?  Do we hang out with people that do?  

We no longer can afford to take our husbands for granted.  Remember 65% of all men, Christian or not, will have an affair before the age of forty. Remember there are beautiful, bright, charming or caring women in the workforce in big numbers who are better at seducing your husband than your husband is at being able to resist.  That alone should keep us from taking them for granted.  And many of these affairs start with an encouraging word – something he isn’t getting at home.  It seems harmless to them to love it, but it is dangerous.

Thought to ponder:  The opposite of an encouraging cheerleader is an EXHAUSTING NAGGER! Proverbs 21:19; 27:15; 25:14

Ultimately, my husband wants a helper – a lover – and a friend.  So this Valentine’s Day, I am committed to be his WIFE and think on him as much as I do the children.  Who is with me?

This weekend is Valentines Day!  Won’t you be a Godly wife, intentionally plan something fun for you to do so that you can tell him you are his biggest fan!!!!

Jackie’s Journey

Child Neglect!?

Once born, a wildebeest calf has 15 minutes to stand and run with the adult herd, or it will be killed by predators (usually, hyenas).  The wildebeest mother will take on a pack of hyenas and sacrificially, single-handedly fight…until death to preserve the life of her calf. (Bill Gothard, Character Sketches)    There are countless “hyenas” that will be used to devour the life of these God is entrusting into our care.               

What is our commitment!??  

Our Alertness To His Will And His Way Is Imperative! 

Being intentional is our only option!

“Life is a stewardship; not an ownership; A TRUST; NOT A GIFT. With a gift you may do as you please; but with a trust you must give an account (Ephesians 2:10).  God holds us responsible. We will answer to HIM!

AND…Time is short!! 

The journey of life brings trials, triumphs, tragedy and achievement.  Through all of this, a dedicated mother’s love remains constant.  Would you consider yourself to be a dedicated mom: a mom that is committed to the success of your child first, above yourself? I know we are fraught with the demanding activities and social media that keep us exhausted from one day to the next; but are we, through it all, rejoicing moms that keep the ultimate goal in view?  By the way, what is your “ultimate goal”?  Do your children view the goal and actively participate, involved in “giving” of themselves, or are they “me first”, “takers”, full of entitlement?

 Let me encourage you with all that you are in Christ and to give you the promise He left with all of us that bear the title MOTHER:  1 Thes. 5:24 says,  “Faithful is He who calls you, Who will also do it.”  However, it is a conditional promise…we have to let HIM!  On that day of accountability there will be NO excuses!    This is our call to action…

HOW DO WE DO THIS??  Where do we start?

When I think “steps of action” I think work, HARD WORK!  In that same thought comes the comfort of new direction and hope for a positive change.  In the introduction of our Princess Parable Blog site we looked back at 2014 only to find 2015 “approaching with stomping feet demanding Action”…Steps of ACTION!

Are you ready, Moms?  Here is a test of our dedication and commitment…

(1) Do we “Walk Our Talk?!”  Or do we make excuses for our wrong responses?  Do we call impatience what it really is…ANGER? And how about overuse of social media…CHILD NEGLECT?  Or MISSED OPPORTUNITY?!  There are no “socially acceptable sins”… Rudeness is self-first; Discouragement (or “I deserve better”) is Entitlement (the very attitude we battle in our children!)  Purpose to pursue holiness; moment-by-moment… Mothers of conviction, not compromise!

(2) Are we open to Teachable Moments? Please note: Most interruptions are the teachable moments!  Purpose to take advantage of the moments we are least wanting to take advantage of!

(3) Are we Intentional and Consistent?  All decisions we make carry a consequence…positive or negative.  Purpose to teach your child this truth and in doing so, enable him/her to learn to hear the voice of God.  Dial your life into the kingdom of God…Have HIS purpose wrapped in HIS WILL, not your own!

(4) Are we Character-focused? Note the attitude in which the words or eyes are speaking to you…read your child’s spirit and you will identify the REAL NEED!

(5) Are we Grateful…regardless of the circumstance?  Gratefulness wards off discouragement.

(6) Are we Diligently Prayerful?…Lamentations 2:19 “Pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord.  Lift up your hands to HIM for the life of your child”!

The definition of the word “purpose” means “resolute, unwavering, deliberate”…Commitment requires sacrifice.

Whether a bush nurse, a missionary mom, a city mom or whatever our title may be…each of us is called to be a godly mother with a profound and sacrificial love for our children.  The calling is to “count the cost” and to love with the purpose of making these entrusted to us more successful than we could ever be for HIS glory!

Unplugging the Family

We love to get away.

My husband and I love to travel.  We love to explore and be adventurers.  We love to leave the worries of home, the to-do lists and the constant pressure of life behind and “get out of Dodge”.  Sometimes we hop on a plane or jump in the car for a long road trip, but most of the time we go just a hour or two from our home to somewhere close to nature.  Anywhere that God’s creation is close enough to touch the senses and join together in the harmony of life.

This last weekend, we headed up to our local mountains.  We took away cell phones, Ipads and went wireless for the weekend.  This is a Young family rule for getaways.  With two thirteen-year-old boys on the trip (my son and a friend), it is always a stretch to get them to leave behind their cyber world.  I find even my girls and my six-year-old son blossom in the non-technical world of yesteryear.

Have you ever wanted to grab away their phones and yell “Look at me!”?

Do you ever feel like the invisible friends they are texting are capturing their hearts?

How did my six-year-old learn to love all these online games?

Yeah, me, too!

But when we get away and unplug – something magical happens.  Sure, they complain at first, but eventually, my kids are my kids again.  This weekend, we played games – old-fashioned board games. They played for hours in the creek behind the house.  The older kids found freedom biking around the lake and through the very small mountain community.  They were bored for awhile, but then their God-given creativity took hold and they built forts.  They baked.  They cleaned up the cabin.  They created memories.

As a family, we reconnected hiking to a near by waterfall.  We went biking and antiquing and bowling.  We watched a couple of family friendly movies together by the fire.  We laughed and we joked.  The young men come up with very silly ways to express themselves.  We had home church on Sunday.

Why is this important?

There are so many great reasons to unplug from technology and get back to the simpler things in life.  We have seen Matt. 6:21 come to life “For where you treasure is, there will your heart be also”.

First, I see the addictive personalities in my kids and in myself.  This lesson is only really learned when we take away the object of our obsession.  It is funny how they act like a minute away is a death sentence, but after the weekend they tend to need it less.  Second, I feel like life is happening all around my kids and they may miss it!  The true experiences and conversations are happening in the moment.  I work hard to help my kids understand that these minutes in time will not be repeated.  Next, when we are always connected it is harder to experience the quiet times need to spend time with the Lord and evaluate our own lives.  Something is always beeping or flashing to get our attention.  They seem to always interrupt our family conversation times.  Lastly, there is something entirely unique and wonderful about being face-to-face with others.  Yes, we can text and facebook, but nothing will replace the experience of looking at another person in the eye and sharing our heart and dreams.  Family time is meant to be shared together and not all co-existing in our own worlds.

Our family has decided that family vacations and getaways are our times together.  We also take off certain days at home too as “non-tech days”.  We hold on to them tightly because we know the world wants to rob us of these special times together.  So unplug with your kids and see what happens.

Do you need an “unplugged” vacation?

Perseverance

“Perseverance is a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success!” Ambrose Bierce

While attending Bible School, I met my husband and we were married a year later.  We had never heard of tribal people who had never had an opportunity to even hear the name of Jesus Christ!  Can you imagine?  God challenged us to take His Name to them!  My husband responded immediately to the need before him.  Yes, he would go!  He stood up quickly, as the seasoned visiting missionary, challenged the crowd for tribal missions; however, I stood frozen with my mouth wide open, in shock!  I could not believe his independent, instant response.   God had work to do in my stubborn heart.  My self-consumed willfulness held me captive!  

I was not equipped to live in the jungle…I hate spiders!  It took three days travel to get to this Indian village.  One and half days journey by banana boat (that’s right we slept on wooden benches) following the coastline, arriving in a remote small town to make a connection for the last ten hour day trek upriver in an open dugout canoe!  Let’s see, I have two babies less than three years of age fighting the rapids during rainy season!  Surely, there was someone in that crowd of churchgoers more mature than I am that is willing and ready to go…not me!  I, fearfully, contemplated another 24 hours before I silently knelt with my husband and acknowledged God’s beckoning whisper to submit to His will and His very clear call to GO! 

As a young student, untested missionary, wife and new mother I stepped out in blind obedience.  The unknown was my constant companion, as was my all-knowing God with His directing will and promises.  “Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, so shall your offspring be.  Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead…since he was about a hundred years old…and that Sarah’s womb was also dead.  YET he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promises of God being fully persuaded that GOD HAD POWER TO DO WHAT HE PROMISED.”(Romans 4:18-21)

For almost 50 years now, God’s pursuing love has driven us to claim the name of Christ.  First, to those living in the remote jungles of Panama, “in the farthest corners of the earth” (Psalm 65:8), and today, to those living in the asphalt jungles of the United States.

We have counted it a privilege to walk day-by-day wrapped in His strength, following where He leads us.  Joyfully persevering has become a fulfilling way of life… His receiving the glory is our reward…

What are you facing today that seems unbelievably overwhelming and impossible?

My Detox

I started off 2015 with a detox.  Thirteen days to cleanse my body, soul and spirit.  Eight of those days were just liquid.  I admit, it is a bit hardcore. 

But you see, in 2011, I was diagnosed with breast cancer – 3 kinds of cancer, including the fast moving Her2 positive.  I had 8 tumors.  God healed my body through whole foods and detoxing.  I did undergo a double mastectomy; however, I didn’t have to do any chemotherapy or radiation as doctors had expected.  I took a test (Onco typeDX) that showed my body was already healing.  God healed me!  I was a medical miracle!

So my life is quite different now – my diet, my marriage, my children, my habits – pretty much most things.  I continue to eat a very healthy cancer-free diet (most of the time, but I sure love fudge at Christmas!).  Every year, I try to detox at a minimum of twice.  This year, my sweet hubby, Bruce, joined me on this quest.

Have you ever wanted to do a detox? 

                        To cleanse.                 To let go.                     To surrender.

I find these times are particularly hard, but very rewarding.  First, there is the physical aspect.  I really enjoy losing 10 pounds after the Christmas holiday since I snuck in a few too many sweets.  I love the energy that comes with a clean body.  I love waking up early in the morning – rising before the alarm.  I love fitting into clothes that I haven’t worn in awhile.  Gone is the bloated feeling of yesterday!

Next, I find that my mental and emotional health is cleansed too.  I tend to journal quite a bit during this time and write down many things.  I respond really well emotionally to long term self-control (not short term).  I identify less with food as the week goes on and that is very freeing for me.  Food has always been my emotional crutch so for 13 days, it can’t be.   I let go of things so much easier.  I find that I am less grumpy and short in the end with a clear mind for the future.

Finally, just like the Bible says, fasting is such an important part of faith.  Detox is our fancy new word for fast.  If you engage in this ancient ritual, you are among good company – Moses, Esther, Daniel, David and Jesus – just to name a few.  When I am fasting, the first couple of days are hard.  I have a headache.  I am listless.  I am barely making it.  But something magical happens on either day 3 or 4.  I have energy and a clear head.  My quiet times come alive.  I am focused, and God is able to show me his direction.  I don’t know if God is honoring the time or if I am just so foggy spiritually most of the time.  I can’t hear Him as easily most days.  But there is something powerful to leaving the food in the pantry.  I know the Bible talks about fasting for big decisions or things that you are waiting on the Lord for, but I also believe that fasting was for ordinary life, too.  As I read all the verses, it seems common and not unusual.  So for me, it is a sweet time of surrender – to give God my plans, my life, my all. Not surprising, He met me right where I was.

If you have ever wanted to detox – for your mind, body or soul – I encourage you to DO IT!  Make the time – you have to.  Otherwise, there will never be the PERFECT time.  Go on, God’s cheering you on – come to Him on an empty stomach and see what happens.  What do you have to lose?