Jackie's Journey: Calm or Chaos?!


I’m minding my own business…reading through Proverbs… and “quarrelsome wife” keeps popping up on the pages!

“Better to live on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife”. Proverbs 21: 9 

Just ten verses later…”Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome or ill-tempered wife.”  And in the next few chapters…”Better to live…” an exact quote of Proverbs 21:9!!

How important is peace to you?

With chaos all around us (wives and mothers), what would it take for us to maintain a calm peace in our homes?  We just celebrated Mother’s Day yesterday. A day set aside to encourage us in our commitment to our families. We are reminded of our role and responsibility to be all God has called us to be.  It takes two to quarrel and whether you live with a good listener or an argumentative person, it requires your participation to induce a “quarrel”.  No great revelation, but a great challenge for those of us who have our own opinion and think that opinion has value enough to be verbalized.

Most attempts at resolving an argument are fought on the battleground of confessing the sin of the other person, rather than acknowledging our own.  No one ever wins an argument!  Our energy, limited as it often is, is spent recklessly.  Our focus is on our need to be right or to have a sense of personal value or to correct a false accusation, rather than the need to know God’s perspective and stepping into the classroom of life and growing-up!  

What value does our argument have in the light of eternity?

 How will it profit His life in us? 

In the heat of the moment the issue seems important, maybe even life-changing.  Our perspective is often clouded by our self-life, personal desires and expectations.  We are held captive by a force (Satan) pushing us to get our way or have the understanding we think we deserve from our husbands to validate our worth.  Self is demanding its rightful position in the relationship.  Satan stands back and just laughs!

God’s design from the beginning has been to use our inability to resolve issues to draw us to a place where we hear His voice alone.  There is no argument worth sacrificing our peace with Him; no right or expectation is as important as pleasing Him in all our thoughts, words, attitudes, and actions.  Our weakness in being able to discern the greater need of identifying the real source of our disagreement and resolving issues more quickly, demonstrates our immaturity. “For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.”  Phil 2:21

Laying down our demand at the moment and sensing His quiet voice of peace in the chaos of our situation is what His life in us is programmed to do!  As mothers, it is easy to lose focus temporarily, and none of us is immune to its pull, but the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard our hearts (plural) and minds (plural) when we choose to bring Phil. 2:1-3 into focus in that moment of decision before the climatic altercation gets a foothold.  Moms, this promise we can “take to the bank”… every time!

The promise is the “God of Peace will be with us” if we put into practice that which we have learned or received or heard or seen from Him.  Our little ones (and big ones!) are watching and listening to see if we “walk our talk” in the things we say to them to resolve their issues when they are arguing. 

Do they see God at work or hypocrisy with no hope?

Finally, sisters, “if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ or any comfort from His love or any fellowship with the Spirit or tenderness and compassion, then make His joy complete by being like-minded, having the same spirit and purpose.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition and conceit but in humility [not self-defense or rationalizations] consider the other person more important than yourself.”

 However difficult this exercise is when in the thick of an argument, this is the admonition and solution to avoid whatever we feel is more important than maintaining our peace with Him!

Our choice:  Peace or Chaos!

Which will you choose?

~Jackie Johnson - I am a former tribal missionary to the Kuna Indians on the Colombian border in Central America.  Fluent in several languages, my husband and I currently pastor a Spanish-speaking church in Southern California.  My passion is discipling and equipping dedicated young women for life, marriage, motherhood, and beyond. I am the mother of two daughters and the grandmother of three Princesses and four young Knights.