Jackie's Journey "Darien Endurance!"

Life has a way of introducing us to the realities and expectations we have of ourselves and those that others put on us.  As parents, we tend to translate these into the lives of our children, if we are not open to instruction and correction.  When we are thrown into the floodgates of pursuits, we learn to bend, not break. We, with intentionality,  pursue excellence and put everything we have into every venture.

 One day in the Darien, the “spaghetti hit the fan” and I found myself sensing failure at everything…overwhelmed with pending defeat!  Sitting at my jungle desk with homeschool material, a linguistic box, two little princesses calling “mom” (because they needed lunch), my wash in a big basket on the front porch with the river calling, a house-full of Kuna mothers with their babies sitting in every available space in our living room (including the floor) and my heart being pulled in every direction…I finally gave in, after months of coping and burst into tears!

 I was a failure! It was hot and muggy and my head was throbbing! I was overwhelmed with it all and in that moment, in walks our partners, Jay and Sue.  Compassionately, they asked, “Why are you crying?”  My honest reply, “I am a failure as a wife, missionary, mother, language learner…why I don’t even know how to cook most of what is handed to me!  No running water, no electricity, no washing machine for three dozen diapers…” Expecting an understanding word, I was shocked to hear Jay say, “Jackie, you are a failure!”  No empathy there!

 I learned about endurance that day and how failure was my best friend because it was my reminder that I couldn’t, but He could.  Rom. 5: 3-5  He is never tired or weary and just waiting for me to surrender it all to him so He could begin to build His strength of character in me.

 Endurance is continuing to do what is right, trusting God has got the plan and  even though the difficult times overwhelm, they ultimately lead to unexpected opportunities that I would have missed if I had quit.  It is the inward strength to withstand stress and continue to trust God for whatever life might bring my way.

 Easter was this past Sunday and I am reminded again of the example He set for us in enduring the cross for me.  He is not a “quitter” and faced the horrific trek through courts, mocking, chiding, beatings, being spit upon, floggings, hanging hours on a cruel cross with ripping tendons…to complete the will of His Father …and He endured until the end…victorious!

 There is no excuse for us…HE set the bar…

Whatever our circumstance, we stick to the task with thanksgiving,

 knowing He will do it (if we get out of His way!) and

it has eternal benefit and divine purpose.

It’s a total win…win!

 “Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.  For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross, scorning the shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”  Hebrews 12: 2-3

~Jackie Johnson - I am a former tribal missionary to the Kuna Indians on the Colombian border in Central America.  Fluent in several languages, my husband and I currently pastor a Spanish-speaking church in Southern California.  My passion is mentoring and equipping dedicated young women for life, marriage, motherhood, and beyond. I am the mother of two daughters and the grandmother of three Princesses and four young Knights. 

Jackie's Journey "What is Failure?"

My youngest daughter, Kim, always told me growing up that her testimony was not interesting because she was not involved in sin, like testimonies she had heard over the years.  She was born in Panama and her first years were spent in the jungles of the Darien on the Colombian border. She was full of energy, animation and oh so, fun to be around to the extreme.  She definitely kept us entertained and laughing as she marched to her own drummer…and  she was sure she needed no help…”she could do it herself!”  Of course,  that meant her way…her timing…her willfulness…not unlike most of us!

 All any of us has to share is our failure and weakness translated into a life message for the benefit of another.  That is my position.  If God can use my weakness to manifest His strength for your benefit, I will praise His name.  Jim Elliot, (husband of Elizabeth Elliot) who was martyred at the hand of the Auca Indians many years ago, once said, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”  His spirit of devotedness was shared in his prayer:

”Father, let me be weak that I might lose my clutch on everything temporal.

 My life, my reputation, my possessions.  Lord, let me lose the tension of the grasping hand.  Even, Father, would I lose the love of fondling. 

How often I have released a grasp only to retain what I prized by ‘harmless’ longing,

the fondling touch. 

Rather, open my hand  to receive the nail of Calvary as Christ’s was opened…

that I, releasing all, might be released, unleashed from all that binds me now. 

He thought heaven, yea, equality with God,

 not a thing to be clutched at.  So let me release my grasp!”

 True Christianity is an all-out commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ…an unconditional surrender to His Lordship…He is Boss!  When I was 19 years old and attending the University of Arizona, I had an opportunity to pledge a sorority.  After six months of maintaining above average grades, memorizing huge amounts of information and fulfilling the responsibility of a faithful pledge, etc., I faced the ultimate moment of commitment.

 I listened intently as each girl quietly slipped into a private room to pledge her total allegiance to Kappa Alpha Theta Sorority.  Racing through my mind was the moment a few months before that I had dedicated my life to God in the person of His Son, Jesus Christ.  When God walked into my life, everything changed for me.  My  total allegiance had already been committed.  I had nothing else to  give.  Allegiance to an organization no longer had any appeal to me.  My purpose in  life had already been defined by my new Lord, Jesus Christ.

 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made perfect in weakness.

Therefore, I will gladly boast all the more gladly

about my weakness,

so that Christ’s power may rest on  me.

That is  why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses,

in insults, in hardships, in persecutions,  in difficulties.

For  when  I am weak, then I am strong”! II Cor. 12: 9-10

~Jackie Johnson - I am a former tribal missionary to the Kuna Indians on the Colombian border in Central America.  Fluent in several languages, my husband and I currently pastor a Spanish-speaking church in Southern California.  My passion is mentoring and equipping dedicated young women for life, marriage, motherhood, and beyond. I am the mother of two daughters and the grandmother of three Princesses and four young Knights.