Saying Goodbye

My daughter’s best friend moved to New Zealand this week.

In the light of this, many emotions faced my sweet nine year old.  You see, these girls are special BFFs.  They both share an unusual name – Emmalynn.  Having the same name bonded them instantly.  They both have the same nickname and have been tagged – Emmy and Emmi – since the start.  They are creative, outgoing, spunky, driven, spiritually aware, musical and full of energy.  They are princesses together.  They are kindred spirits.

Our friends decided to move to New Zealand to plant a church and move closer to family.  They made the plan last summer so it has been a long time coming.  Finally, the last week had arrived and we could hardly believe that the time had come.  The familiarity of seeing each other every day has now come to an end and they are on an airplane 1,000s of miles south of the Pacific.

As we had the last sleepover at our house and we talked of the last times that we were spending together, I noticed my Emmi was acting aloof.  She made comments about how she didn’t want to see Emmy and that she didn’t need to have her over for a playdate.  My Emmy said she had new friends now.  She said each sentence with such assuredness, but underneath I could see how much she was hurting.

Have you ever run away or hurt someone you love because you didn’t know how to deal with the feelings?

I have.

Funny . . . isn’t it?  Oh, how we humans try our hardest to self-preserve and not FEEL!  My sweet, lovely girl just wanted to stuff those emotions and even tried being mean to her dear friend, just because she couldn’t figure out how to FEEL.  She was afraid – really afraid to be sad and see her friend leave her side.

“New Zealand is really far away, Mom!”, she said more than once.  “Yes, yes, it is!” I would reply.

God’s reply is in I John 4:18 “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear . . .”

Emmi was afraid to love anymore because she knew she would have to say goodbye.  It reminded her of when I had cancer and she pulled away emotionally from me.  She thought for a season that I was going to die.  She pulled away from me to protect herself and it took months for me to bring her back.  I had to put in hours of alone time with her to win her heart again.

The day came to say goodbye for the last time.  There were promises of writing and of skyping, but we all knew it would be different.  Together we held hands, cried and said goodbye, but goodbye is only for a time.  We will see them again.  But we do mourn this season that is gone.  They will never be nine again, in this stage, seeing each other every day, sharing life . . .

God replies Ecc. 3:1 “To every thing there is a season, a time to every purpose under the heaven”.

Have you ever mourned a passing of a season of life?

So that day was hard.  Both Emmi and I had to discuss how we felt.  I made her put words to the feelings inside.  This was the teaching moment.  Then we focused on the things to thank God for.  Otherwise, the sadness would overtake us.  Being thankful lifts your spirit more than anything else.

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” 1 Thes. 5:18

We are so grateful for our friends.  We are grateful that God entrusted us with them for “a season”.  We are thankful to have been loved by them – in the way God loves us.  We are excited for them as they embark on their new adventure and we will pray for them.  We are looking forward to saving up points to visit New Zealand some day.  We are grateful for you, Emmy, Cyndi and the whole Weeks family.  You were a good idea.  We are so grateful God thought you up.  We love you!  Go and save New Zealand!

Share with us a time when you had to say goodbye, how did God use it to draw you closer to Him?

Are you in community?

Mothering is hard work.
Mothering is harder alone.

Being a good wife takes effort.
Being a good wife without support is difficult.

Staying the course requires discipline.
Staying the course is easier with cheerleaders.

I was a tomboy growing up.  I had two younger brothers; we would play tackle football on the beach, wrestle and race to wherever we could.  I think it is funny that God took that tomboy and planned for her to author the Princess Parables.  Maybe that is why I wanted Charity to have boots on under her skirt!

In my teen years, something changed in me and I began to want to be more “girly”.  I began liking dresses, tea parties and pink.  Even in those days, I always gravitated toward boys for friends because the girls always seemed to have more drama.

As a newly married woman, I saw the need to have more girl friends in my life. It was no longer appropriate to have the “boy” friends, and my husband was now my best friend.  When I was a new mom, I longed for fellowship and deep connections with women, even though I saw much of the same drama as in Middle School.  The Lord had changed me, and I saw that I desired friendship with those in the same life stage as me.  I was blessed to be in the ministry of MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) for 8 years.  God brought around me women who loved the Lord and shared similar desires to serve Him in all we did.

Finding community is so important as a mom.  I am not just talking about women who have kids our kids like to play with, but real “kindred spirits”.  I prayed hard for women who shared my same faith and who had a desire to change the world.  I looked for women who followed God and listened for His voice.  I found a community of women who cheer me on, who came to my rescue when cancer hit, and who inspire me to be the woman God wants me to be.

This did not happen overnight.  There were many women who have come in and out of my life at different seasons who played a part.  There are many women who I didn’t connect with and there were many who moved on into a different place in their life.  But today I have a community of ladies in my Mom Heart group and in my Elements Bible Study that fill the need for community.  God continues to bring women into my life for each step He has given me.

I have heard too many stories of women . . . alone, who struggle as a mom, as a wife and struggle to follow God’s call.  I had struggles along the way, too, and I could not have survived without my friends.  They served practical needs: brought me meals when I had babies and watched my kids when I had doctors’ appointments.  They also filled in the gaps for me spiritually as they prayed with and for me.  They have inspired me to be a better mom, a happier wife and to go after the callings that I have felt God has placed on my life.

If you don’t have a community of like-minded women in your life, here is what I suggest:

1.  PRAY!  I really believe that God will lead you to the right group of women.  Be patient!  It will take time.

2.  START YOUR OWN GROUP.  I have either started or been on the leadership team for each of the groups I have been involved in.  Either at my home or church, I believe if you invite them, “they will come!”

3.  GO TO A MOM HEART CONFERENCE!  Sally Clarkson is a gifted speaker, writer and woman!  I have learned so much from her!  Going to her conferences have introduced me to like-minded women who have become my core group of friends.  Surround yourself with those who spur you on to becoming a Godly woman.  There is a conference coming up in either CA, TX or CO. http://momheartconference.com/register/

Do you have cheerleaders?

Do you have someone to pick you up?

Where do you turn for a shoulder to cry on?

Won’t you make it your goal for 2015 to find a community of women to BELONG?